Weakness

She met with his teachers in a conference before school, anxious to help her admittedly out-of-control son succeed. His math teacher rattled off three progressively higher test grades, evidence of improvement brought about by a talking-to from the boy's wrestling coach. "He hasn't had a strong male figure in his life for most of his childhood," his mother said, addressing the math teacher primarily. "So maybe he is reaching out for that strength. And when he senses a weakness..." She turns to the language arts teacher, who just days earlier had to send the boy to the office for smacking a classmate across the head. "He takes advantage of that."

Is exploitation of the meek a quintessential human quality? Is there anywhere one can go to escape from the paradigm of the innocent being trodden under by the advantage-takers?

Saturn Return or Uranus approaching the Ascendant? Either way, some ugly, unsatisfactory elements of who I am are bubbling to the surface of my consciousness. Would I have been as offended if I didn't really feel insecure? If I didn't really feel shot through with weakness? If weakness didn't, in fact, define my life for the last two and a half years? I have allowed myself to be shuffled along throughout the majority of my life without very much effort or struggle or energy at all. I have let outside influences shape my path and determine my waking reality. Is it any wonder I exist in a lifeless and unexciting milieu? That my soul feels completely clogged up?

There is certainly a wellspring of vitality and passion inside me. For so long, I've felt unable to tap into it, to draw inspiration from it, to direct my life in its pursuit. Maybe I need to start digging.