Weakness

She met with his teachers in a conference before school, anxious to help her admittedly out-of-control son succeed. His math teacher rattled off three progressively higher test grades, evidence of improvement brought about by a talking-to from the boy's wrestling coach. "He hasn't had a strong male figure in his life for most of his childhood," his mother said, addressing the math teacher primarily. "So maybe he is reaching out for that strength. And when he senses a weakness..." She turns to the language arts teacher, who just days earlier had to send the boy to the office for smacking a classmate across the head. "He takes advantage of that."

Is exploitation of the meek a quintessential human quality? Is there anywhere one can go to escape from the paradigm of the innocent being trodden under by the advantage-takers?

Saturn Return or Uranus approaching the Ascendant? Either way, some ugly, unsatisfactory elements of who I am are bubbling to the surface of my consciousness. Would I have been as offended if I didn't really feel insecure? If I didn't really feel shot through with weakness? If weakness didn't, in fact, define my life for the last two and a half years? I have allowed myself to be shuffled along throughout the majority of my life without very much effort or struggle or energy at all. I have let outside influences shape my path and determine my waking reality. Is it any wonder I exist in a lifeless and unexciting milieu? That my soul feels completely clogged up?

There is certainly a wellspring of vitality and passion inside me. For so long, I've felt unable to tap into it, to draw inspiration from it, to direct my life in its pursuit. Maybe I need to start digging.

Saturn Return Reflection #1

Q: Does the Saturn Return feel different to each person depending on the sign and the house in which it occurs?

I'm 28. Saturn in is Libra, in my 7th house. In my natal chart, Libra is intercepted. I would assume Saturn has some pretty potent lessons to teach me in one-to-one relationships. But the thing is... I don't have any right now. Basically just my relationship with each of my family members, and my relationship to my long-distance girlfriend. I live alone, and I have no friends close by. (I do keep in touch with some college friends, but they're all across the country from me.)

The Saturn Return's emphasis on illuminating situations and circumstances that are out-of-sync with one's true values seems most relevant, at least in the last week or so when I've really started to feel it, in my professional sphere. I've questioned my "fit" in my current profession -- junior high language arts teacher -- for two years now. I had decided I'd give myself three years to try the job out, make sure I get all the newbie kinks out, and really get a taste for it before I threw in the towel. I'm not surprised that the end of those three years coincides with the beginning of my Saturn Return.

In my relationship, our ability to see each other and spend time together is currently extremely limited. This situation will be the case for an indefinite amount of time. If I want to remain with her, I'm going to have to, in a sense, "wait around" -- especially if I do decide to change careers. In that way, my Saturn Return's location in the 7th house in Libra does seem appropriate.

I also have Saturn conjunct Sun natally.

I have long been pining for a close friend here in my chosen home, but I seem incapable of putting out the energy necessary to attract the kind of companionship I crave. Perhaps Saturn's position in this house will make me take this quest more seriously?

Just some thoughts. More will come as I continue to live.